Abused-cleaning house

  I have lived with my history of abuse for over 50 years, after seeking the help from a Help Center for Women, I was encouraged to write down my thoughts, fears and my life experiences. Each week when I would go back with my writtings, my counsler and I would discuss what I had written, we seemed to be making a lot of progress in the department of cleaning house.  In the first of many visits, he stated to me that our bodies are like a house. First there is the full living quarters, kitchen, living, and dinning, rooms, bathrooms, etc. These rooms in your house usually get cleaned all the time as these are the rooms people see. But what about the attic and the basement. These are the rooms that rarely get noticed and usually a great place to store things you don't want to throw away. Eventually it becomes cluttered with storage and creepy crawlers, spider webs and sometimes, rodents, bats, mice etc... Both places need cleaning and it never seems to get done. Till one day there is so much build up, and no place else for the stuff to go, and it begins to spill over into other areas of the home that were once clean.  Eventually the home becomes cluttered and filled trash, and garbage is every where. Have you ever seen a hoarder who won't trow anything away, eventually it totally over takes that life? It consumes them to the death and giving up even a piece of paper is unthinkable. This is what I was in side, a hoarder! I harbored feelings and pains from the past for so long that it began spilling over. I needed help and I knew it. Going to the Help Center helped me to realize everything I was supressing, was putting me in a constant state of depression, and giving me suicitle tendencys. I was on the road to complete self distruction.

I found that writting down my experiences were a real form of healing for me, and my life started changing for the better. I was learing to understand why I was doing the things I was doing, and why I was feeling the things I was feeling. My writting began to open my life up to new experiences and helped me to take a stand against abuse including my own. I started writting a book about my paint horse Shennandoha, I wrote about all our adventures together and when I was finished I put the book in a drawer and stopped writting, thinking I was good to go, and on top of the world.

When I stopped writting, I continued along thinking I was ok, and my house, little by little, began to fill up all over agian, depression set in and feelings of self distruct, were running rappid with life. Before it got to far, I began remembering the words of my counsiler. I could hear his words of wisdom in my mind, and  I decided enough was enough, it was time to take my life back again. If it means telling my life like it was, then this is what I will do. If it helps ease my pain of the past and I just happen to help someone with theirs, then my mission to the road of recovery is working.

I truely feel if I help just one person, to think, before they strike a child, then I have done a good thing. I must admitt I am ruffling a few feathers for writting the truth, and I am sorry anyone is offened, but I am not sorry for writting what I write.  Children are so precious they can't stand alone against their abusers.  If I help one child, or person that has suffered at the hands of an abuser, then I did what I set out to do, and it is worth every line I write, and every person I offend.

I will continue my fight to help children. I challange all my readers to help me with this fight against child abuse, don't leave a child to suffer or die alone.

Who could they tell? Who will help them? Join me in my fight agians Child abuse

1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453) or go to http://www.childhelp.org/

donations can also be made to   http://www.childhelp.org/