About Me

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Atascadero, CA, United States
I am an adult survivor of child abuse. I lived for over 13 years of my childhood with physical, mental, and sexual abuse, at the hands of a brutal Step Father, and Mother who put Mommy Dearest to shame, she thought it was normal to beat you until you were bleeding, and scared for life. This is my story, it's time to unmask the true horrors that plagued my world. So many children suffer and die from child abuse. Someone needs to stand up for them, become a follower and join me in the fight against Child Abuse. I am not a Dr., lawyer or, anyone special, just a SURVIVOR.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Abused-Family Parties

       So now you know, the secret is out and I should feel very ashamed of what I have shared in this blog, but somehow I don't, I really don't.
   Most people that know me, wouldn't know what had transpired in my life, unless I told them directly. On the most normal basis I am a happy go lucky person, I like to please people, make them laugh. I do admit I enjoy the one on one of attention when I am with people I am most comfortable with. I enjoy teasing people, making them blush, most of all I enjoy laughter. How did I come out enjoying laughter is beyond me. I think the laughter covers and hides the pain that is hiding inside me. Like when ever I am invited to go to a family party, at first I might say yes just to make the family happy, but as it get closer to the party date I become agitated, nervous, and out in left field, my hands get sweaty, my stomach starts to act up, and I start into a full blown panic. I plain and simply don't want to go! I am in panic mode I have nothing to wear, I am having a bad hair day, make up isn't right. I will pick a fight with the husband, any thing to get out of going. The small family gathering now becomes a terror! I literally have to be dragged from my home when I can't come up with a good enough excuse not to leave the house. Once out the door the panic really begins to swell and I either become quite, or I just can't stop talking, there is no middle of the road on that one, after we have arrived I peek through the door and zero in on the first person I actually like, usually a cousin or an in-Law and stay there were it's comfortable and in my groove of things, a warm place to laugh and chat, have a good stiff margarita, comfortable corner, and I usually can have a good time. But still to this day that fear over comes me. Slowly I am learing to take back my confidence. It was stolen from me, I didn't give it away, Now I want it back!

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