Abused

As I think back I remember my mother sending us to church, while she stayed home in her warm bed, we would walk thru the snow to our Catholic Church. The"Father" would quote things from the bible like, the father that does not beat his child, hates that child. Another favorite was foolishness is bound in the heart of a child and the rod of correction shall drive it from him! That must have been the quote the Sisters used for an excuse to come after you with this heavy wooden yard stick, whaling and beating the living HELL out of you for speaking out of turn, or for chewing gum. I am sure that quote must have been their favorite of all.
  Yet I really don't remember anywhere in the bible, where it said it was ok to sexually abuse the alter boys, or beat the hell out of little kids. Where do you suppose they came up with that? I have read the entire bible from cover to cover, more than once, and have never read that passage. I must have been reading the wrong version. Silly me!
We are fooled by the portrail of, the love of God. We are taught God is love, he will protect and love us , yet his own people who claim to love and serve him, are beating and sexually abusing children in his name!
  Then we wonder why so many of us are screwed up for life.  People say they are just playing God, but some how I can't picture Jesus beating the hell out of you for any reason. So what really is their excuse for such action?
  I would go to church seeking gods help, praying and hoping he would take me away from my abusers only to be abused more. And you keep asking me why didn't you tell some one. Bull! who was going to listen. Back then abuse was called DISAPLINE!!! In fact that's how my abuse began. My abuser thought giving me the beating of my little life, and sticking his penis in my mouth, would surely cure my naughty behavior, and to put icing on the cake I was told if I hurt it, I would be beat again.  To insure my keeping the "secret", he said he would tell my mother that I was very bad; she surely would beat me too!  So what he was saying was, do it or die, and the message came accross quite clear, death wouldn't come soon enough if I told his dirty little secret.  Did I have a choice. I was 5 you tell me.
     I was a very bad girl. I made a little too much noise while they were trying to sleep. Oh man, did I ever deserve that whipping with the extention cord, and some big nasty thing stuck down my throat so far it made me throw up! BAD GIRL!
If this is something your telling yourself, you need to stop right there! You didn't deserve to be beat, you didn't deserve to be sexually assaulted! You didn't deserve to die, or lose a part of your precious soul!
Take back that piece of your soul, it belongs to you, your innocence was taken, you didn't give it!